I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize