Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize