I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
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I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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