You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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