my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
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The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
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Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Still dying that you shit outside
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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