Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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