she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
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saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
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Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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