he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
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Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Floor bacon is actually really good
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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