I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
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I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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