why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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