Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize