Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize