can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize