Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
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I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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