I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize