I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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