a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
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Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
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She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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