Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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