Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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