the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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