im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize