my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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