Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize