right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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