: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
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i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
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Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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