whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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