There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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