Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize