You're my little dorito
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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