So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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