You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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