So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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