you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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