Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize