I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
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His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
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um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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