I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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