What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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