Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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