Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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