Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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