It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
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I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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