Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
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you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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