got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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