oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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