dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
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There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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