Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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