Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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