how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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