i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize