Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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